Approved Wear · No. 001
Texans Against Shakira Law
Heavyweight cotton blend. Unisex sizing, XS through 5XL. Front print, available in committee-reviewed colors.
Order at TeePublicExternal link — opens TeePublic in a new tab.
Paid for by the Committee to Protect Sworn Testimony
Threat Level: Severe
Texas Faces a Threat
Unlike Any in Our History.
It moves whenever. It moves wherever. It respects no border, no court, and no statute of limitations. Stand with Ken Paxton to stop Shakira Law before it reaches your street.
Faith. Family. Freedom. And a firm stand against Shakira Law.
87%
of Texans have already heard the chorus.
0
counties confirmed clear.
1
man with the record to stop it.
What Is Shakira Law?
Shakira Law is a doctrine that places the hips above every institution Texans hold sacred. Our system of justice rests on sworn testimony. Shakira Law holds, plainly and without appeal, that the hips don’t lie. It is an authority that cannot be cross-examined, cannot be impeached, and answers to no judge in this state.
It does not announce itself. It arrives whenever, and it arrives wherever. It recognizes no venue, no jurisdiction, and no statute of limitations. By the time you have heard it, it is already in heavy rotation.
Some say it cannot be fought. They say they have tried, and they “can’t fight it any more.” We reject that surrender. Texas does not surrender.
“Texas does not surrender.”
Ken Paxton
Only One Man Has the Record to Meet This Moment.
As Attorney General, Ken Paxton sued. He sued early, he sued often, and he sued institutions far larger than himself. He sued Muslim math. He sued Arabic numerals. Texas needs exactly that resolve against a threat that, by its own admission, can no longer be fought by ordinary men.
Consider the evidence: Ken Paxton has never once been filmed dancing. Not at a wedding. Not at a rally. Not even a little. In a state under this kind of siege, that is not a coincidence. That is discipline.
This November, send Washington a Texas-sized message: the hips may not lie, but in this state, they will not legislate.
The Texan’s Pledge
I, a proud Texan, pledge to keep my home Hips-Don’t-Lie-free. I will not move whenever. I will not move wherever. I will keep my she-wolf where I can see it. And I will stand with Ken Paxton until the threat has finally, mercifully passed.
This is a parody. Nothing here is collected, saved, or sent. There is no list, because there is no committee.
Wear the Position.
The Committee has reviewed and approved one (1) article of field apparel for citizens seeking to declare their opposition in non-electoral settings — town squares, livestock auctions, and routine grocery runs alike.
Fund the Fight.
Shakira Law is multi-platinum, well-funded, and currently touring. We are not. Every dollar helps us hold the line.